July 13, 2011

Learning Their Language

Learning Their Language

Growing up my mom would always tell me “Love is a verb; it requires action.  Your words carry no worth when they aren’t followed up with the action of showing your love.”  With mom’s words close to my heart I ventured out into the great big world, seeking someone whom I could love and who would love me in return.

I’m currently engaged to that person.  Rachael and I dated for three years through college and are now in the process of preparing for our life together.  Throughout our relationship we have talked about what we would like to see and what we would like to see in our marriage.  One of the main things that we both have agreed would be a good thing to keep in our marriage is the feeling of love between us.

This is a lofty goal.  I knew that almost every couple preparing for marriage probably shared our desire for continued love.  I know if it were going to be a reality in my life, I was going to have to work to better understand Rachael and how she felt loved.

I recently finished reading the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapmen.  Dr. Chapmen pointed out that the cause for the high divorce rate in our country and the high number of couples dissatisfied with their marriage is a result of low emotional tanks.  When a couple is in a dating relationship, they are on cloud 9.  In some cases they would have to look down to see cloud 9.  They are experiencing the “in-love experience”.  Studies have proven that this phenomenon only lasts about two years after marriage.  After this time, the couple begins to settle into the mundane routine of life.

In the book Dr. Chapmen breaks down the five main areas through which humans feel loved: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, and Receiving Gifts.  Within each of these main categories there are many different dialects.  It takes time to discover which language your spouse speaks, but through time the trends will point to one of these categories.

Just like mom said growing up, love is action.  In reading this book I have discovered that action requires study and consistency.  If I really want my marriage to be growing 10, 15, 20 years from now, I have to take the steps necessary to make sure that Rachael’s love tank is always filled.  This may mean doing things that don’t come naturally to me.  But as Christ said “If you love those who love you, what credit is it to you?  Even sinners love those who love them.”   Love requires a decision, even when your spouse isn’t making you feel loved.

Read this book and discover what language your spouse speaks, then take the steps necessary to speak it to them.  I’m sure that through time, you will begin to see a shift in the way they respond to your love. windows update site down .

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